Well...., I broke up with Lex last night. On a plaid sheet, with his back before me, we hammered out some simple truths that neither of us wanted to accept. An imbalance of affection was developing, and better to stop now, when it's still just affection and not something more painful. I don't know how to feel about things. I like Lex a lot, but i don't think I could ever be in love with him, and (deservedly so) he sought to remove himself from such a scenario.
As we had sex for what may be the last time, it felt good to hold him. Better than it had the first time we slept together, and better than the most recent time. His back was hot as it curved against my stomach, and felt good against my body. Even his lips tasted good, despite the two day stubble that scratched my cheeks and tickled my chin and neck. It felt good waking up and finding him still nuzzled in my chest. Of course, I've never been in love before, so what do i know..... The whole thing is like the bizarro version of the way things should work. One moment we're rolling around mock arguing and tickling each other, and the next, the bed is poisoned with ominous statements that you can't back down from. Questions are asked that you don't really want answered, someone gets hurt.... I'm trying to write this and find some poetic way to convey it all, but the truth is, it's all a muddle. I've always felt that if you like someone, but don't love them, than you should bow out and let them move on. If you're not with the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life, than you're wasting your time. But with Lex, despite the obivous karmically correct choice, I wanted to wait it out a little longer..... Just in case I was wrong.
I don't know..., we only went out for two months right ?..., even if he was my first bonafide boyrfriend. I'm not going to bullshit like I'm heart-broken or anything..., but it sucks. Even if it is for the best, it still sucks.
